Last week while picking blueberries with my husband and boys, excitedly awaiting ultrasound results, I received a text message. Just a few weeks ago, my sister-in-law told us she was pregnant. They were trying to avoid pregnancy, so everyone felt this was evidence that God does whatever he wishes. 🙂
Well, the text message, didn’t say what I had hoped. I hoped to hear that the baby was growing beautifully and strong. Instead, it said that miscarriage was impending because the baby had passed away. I was taken aback. I stared tearily at my phone wanting to yell, “WHAT?!?!?!” Then I composed myself. I realized I couldn’t respond with my own upset. That wasn’t what Lacey needed. She doesn’t need to comfort me! She needs Jesus’s peace, and support from loved ones.
On the way home from blueberry picking I told my husband that his sister was facing miscarriage. We both sat in reverent silence. My eyes heavy with tears. Hank asked why I was sad. I explained, “You know how auntie Lacey was making you another cousin? Well, Jesus decided to keep that one.” Hank replied, “Oh no that’s bad.” I said, “No buddy that’s good.” He said, “Then why are you sad?” I replied, “Because now we will have to wait a whole lot longer to meet the baby.” Hank said, “Oh.”
As I write this, I realize I haven’t even spoken to my sister-in-law yet. Just a few brief messages. I realize that when I was so sick last year and didn’t hear from some loved ones, maybe it was because they were grieving alongside, quietly.
I am so thankful I am not Lacey’s savior. That her joy doesn’t rest in my ability to take this pain away. But, oh how I wish I could. I wish I could just pray hard enough to make this all better.
My heart is heavy as she walks through this.
I keep thinking of a song, “Where does my hope come from? It comes from the Lord, maker of Heaven and Earth!”
Here’s a link to Lacey’s blog: From Joy to Sorrow
Dear Jesus, please give Lacey your peace and comfort as she walks through miscarriage. Please give me the right words to speak and the right timing. Jesus, I know you are faithful and you will work all things together for your glory and our joy, even though its hard to see right now. Amen.