Momma, tell me about your owies again…

Have you ever heard yourself teaching your child and learned too?  Hank has been asking about my enlarged spleen and liver a lot lately.  We often tell our boys to be very careful around me because I have “owies” in my tummy.

This morning while laying on the sofa snuggling with Hank, he asked me to tell him about my owies again.  I explained,

“Momma has two owies.  They’re kinda like water balloons that are too full.  If you push on them too hard they’ll pop.  Then momma will need to go to the hospital.”

Hank, “What will they do?”

Me, “They’ll open my tummy and take out the popped balloon.”

Hank, “Why?”

Me, “Well, do you reuse a popped water balloon?”

Hank, “Oh! No. Then what happens?”

Me, “Then we wait and trust God to make me better again.”

Then we went back to snuggling.  I heard myself tell him we would trust God to make me better and he just accepts that.  Its beautiful.  But for me its tough, you see, for me that is a HUGE call to faith that I live out every day.

We ALL will have our call to faith.  If only we can have faith like a child.

Matthew 18:3, “At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like a children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

I am writing this to you as we await test results from our veterinarian.  We adopted a dog named Sadie over Easter.  She has been a wonderful, playful, voracious eater until recently.  I suspect that she has eaten dirt that is contaminated with antifreeze.  Antifreeze causes kidney failure in dogs.  Now the call to faith feels big as we wait on the labs.

I am also writing this to you as my sisters’ significant other, Steve, is in the hospital with heart problems.  He has been there a few days and they cannot figure out why his heart rate won’t stabilize.  Add to that his white blood cell count is elevated.


Why must the call be so big?

What is your call to faith?

Dear Jesus,  I feel it.  You are the mighty king and you can bear our burdens.  You tell us to lay our burdens down and take up yours, that which you give us is light.  But Lord, it doesn’t feel so easy.  I want to fear.  Please set my eyes on you.  Help us all to have faith like a child.  Amen.


The Clots are Here to Stay… Now What?

Yesterday afternoon I had a follow-up visit with my hematologist to discuss a recent CT scan.  We stopped my anti-coagulation therapy!  Hooray!

8 months of Lovenox shots is a long time.

He explained that the clots in my liver are stable and I may have them for the rest of my life.




Up until this visit he said the clots would reabsorb.  But now he’s saying they won’t.  I feel a little disappointed.  It’s not like I actually thought they’d go away.  The imaging keeps staying the same.

Everything I read about portal deep vein thrombosis says they only reabsorb in the first few weeks after they form and that re-canalization is complete within six months of clot formation.  Mine didn’t do either.  I have partial re-canalization but they aren’t reabsorbing.

So what does this mean?

Well, I still have pain and swelling.  My spleen and liver are still enlarged.

Maybe it’s time for a second opinion.  If this is going to have long-term consequences I need to know.  I know my surgeon told me to “tough it out” when I called repeatedly saying I had high fevers every day for over a week.  Things would be so different if he weren’t negligent.

What if I have to look at my legal options? 😦

This is all too much for me.  Thank God, He is in control.  He is carrying me.  He calls the shots.

The Wikipedia information on sepsis says the mortality rate goes up 6% percent for every hour sepsis goes untreated.  I went over two weeks with untreated sepsis, that’s when the clots went crazy.

God calls the shots!

He decides who lives, not any statistic or confine of science.

I have a lot to think through.  Where and who will I go to for a second opinion?  Will we need to seek legal advice?  What long-term impacts will this all have on my health?

God promised we will suffer here on Earth.

I am going to have faith.  God said He would heal me.

I hang my hope on Him because whatever happens here, I know I will run in the hills of Heaven one day, perfected and singing His praise for all eternity.

“We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise than when we’ve first begun.” Amazing Grace

Dear Jesus, I need to rest in you.  Please silence the liar.  Please give me your peace.  Please heal me completely, in this lifetime.  Please show me what you want me to do and when.  May I see the day that I can say, “God healed the clots too!”  Amen.